How to learn to let go and let go?

Autora. Yaymelis Garcia Leyva. Master's Student in Clinical Social Work AGMU Tampa, Florida.

Everything that causes us discomfort, pain, and more problems than happiness, must go. It sounds easier said than done, but today I'll show you how.

On many occasions, we have spent more time than necessary in a situation or relationship, whether friendship or partner, that has caused us more anguish than joy, either due to low self-esteem, codependency, or fear of trying new things.

Today we will talk about letting go of everything that harms you and that prevents you from reaching your greatest potential.

What does it mean to let go and let go?

Letting go and letting go is an act of self-love that we achieve by letting go of situations, people, things, or beliefs that do us harm, that harm us, or that are no longer part of our lives. It does not necessarily have to be a goodbye or a sacrifice, it can be a thank you for everything we have lived, and the determination to continue on another path that will enrich our personal development. Giving up is part of the process of life, and we are obliged to what and in whom we want to invest our time and energy.

But as natural and beneficial as it may be, it is difficult to do it without feeling some emotional pain, since it is complex: it involves recognizing the need for change, which is usually difficult until you go through the acceptance stage.

It involves asking deep questions and questioning things or behaviors that are part of your personal history. Realize if you are ready to take the step towards change, towards uncertainty.

Perhaps that change implies saying goodbye to people who, as much as you want, are no longer part of your life; It may mean being more aware of our psychological behaviors and evaluating which ones are self-destructive and which ones can be modified a bit.

The truth is that if we want to receive something new, we must be prepared and make room for what is coming.

Signs it's time to let go

You feel lost, without any direction, as if you were floating in a sea of uncertainty. When you feel that you are getting further and further away from what you are or what you want to be.

Some signs of this may be:

• You are in a bad mood, sad, feeling uncomfortable, or disconnected most of the time.

• You find yourself facing the same problems over and over again.

• You feel stuck like you're not going anywhere.

The alarms vary depending on each person. Although in some they may have felt that motivate them to get out of that pattern in a more active way, in others they may be feelings of insecurity, which do not encourage them to get out of the pattern, but neither do they encourage them to stay within it.

The truth is that when we notice the signs, it is time to make decisions to improve our mental health, our economic situation, employment, etc.

Why is it so hard to let go?

We spend most of our lives building our comfort zone, but it is important to note that our safe space is sometimes not the best option for us. For example, this happens when we are clinging to a relationship, a job, a friendship, or a line of thought that is no longer in tune with who we are or what we want to be, but at the same time, the only idea to get out of there is terrifying since we are invaded by a feeling of uncertainty.

Remember this: everything that you cling to, or for which you have a great emotional dependency, is the reflection of an aspect that you must work on in yourself, because tomorrow, the only sure thing is that you will have yourself. You must have enough confidence in yourself to know that no matter what comes your way, you have yourself, and you will know which way to go.

Trusting yourself is one of the best decisions you can make. You may not imagine your life without that person right now, but if they don't make you feel good if they don't love you 100%, they're just not for you. Eventually, a new relationship will come in which you can feel better: you know how much you're worth; You will not be afraid of loneliness. You can give yourself your place!

For example, perhaps now the idea of leaving your current job and starting your own business, or following your passion, is terrifying, but focus on taking small steps, doing the relevant research, and studying the current market for your next venture. Keep in mind that it will never be the perfect time to do it nor will you be totally ready, but it is a leap of faith that you must take by trusting yourself and your potential.

Keys to leaving the past behind and boosting your personal growth

Like everything in life, there is no magic formula to go through the entire emotional process that involves letting go without feeling pain, sadness, fear, or doubt. But I leave you with a series of recommendations that can help you handle it in a better way.

1. Live and express your pain. When something ends, either by your own decision or because someone else decided so, it hurts, and when something hurts a lot, you cry. Don't judge yourself for crying, and don't judge your suffering, only you know how much it hurt and you should honor yourself by giving yourself the necessary time to heal. Don't run away from your pain, don't repress it, don't seek to cover it up with another person, since that would be a profound lack of respect for you and the other person, but don't get caught up in pain forever either.

2. Avoid unnecessary exposures. When we find ourselves in a grieving process, it is normal to want to find ways to remedy what happened, for things to go back to the way they were before, but that is no longer the case, nothing will ever be the same. So it is best to accept what happened and avoid contact with the person at all costs; Do not look for her on social networks, do not communicate with her, anything, because anything can fuel the pain again and that will only harm you.

3. Put limits on negative thoughts. It is normal to think sad or bad things when you are in a period of grief and vulnerability, but there is a time when you yourself must snap your fingers and set limits. Find ways to clear your mind a bit; Self-control is very important, otherwise, you will end up drowning in a sea of pessimism and sadness, you will not have another perspective of what is happening to you and that will only cause you more damage and pain.

4. Do new things. Encourage yourself to do things that you have not done before or that you have not done for a long time; This will help you channel your energy into new projects, from starting a workshop, dance classes, cooking classes, signing up for the gym to starting that new series that you have wanted to see for a long time, or going to the movies alone, or taking a walk around the park. The pain will not go away, the situation as such will continue to be there, but these little things will make it hurt less and your perspective will change, little by little.

5. Work on your self-love and self-confidence. When you love yourself 100%, the love of any other person you will no longer consider necessary because you know that when everyone lacks you, you will be there for yourself. Do everything possible so that your company with yourself is as pleasant and comfortable as possible, trust yourself so much that, when a problem arises, behind all the initial reactions you will always have the confidence that you will know how to solve it. Because you are the only thing you need.

6. Lean on people who do you good. Surround yourself with those who love you and have been with you through the good times, the bad, and the worst, as they will be a great support to overcome this stage.

I end with a story

A psychologist in a group session raised a glass of water, everyone expected the typical question: Is it half full or half empty? However, he asked:

How much does this glass weigh?

The answers varied between 200 and 250 grams.

The psychologist replied: “The absolute weight is not important, it depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for 1 minute, it's no problem, if I hold it for an hour, my arm will hurt, if I hold it for 1 day, my arm will become numb and paralyzed. The weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier, harder to bear it becomes."

And he continued: «Worries are like a glass of water. If you think about them for a while, nothing happens. If you think a little longer they start to hurt and if you think about them all day, you end up feeling paralyzed, unable to do anything.

Remember to drop the glass…

"Empty your mind, free yourself from forms. Like the water. Put water in a bottle and it will be a bottle. Put it in a teapot and it will be a teapot. The water can flow or hit. I know water friend"

Bruce Lee

References

Por Reyes, Adriana. Aprender a soltar ¿cómo?

Por Echeverría, Helena. Aprender a Soltar