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Autora. Yaymelis Garcia Leyva. Master's Student in Clinical Social Work AGMU Tampa, Florida.
Have you ever wondered how our character and personality were formed? What influenced our behavior to be a certain way?
Releasing your creativity, letting go of the past, and expressing your feelings are some of the ways in which you can heal, which is why I would like to share with you this important topic that can directly influence the daily life of the person. having an impact on the formation of affective bonds or on the performance of social activities, exerting an unconscious and maladaptive influence on our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and preventing psychological integration from being achieved.
Complexes can be physical or emotional. Those who suffer from them find these details a brake in their way of relating to others. Simply, because the way in which someone perceives himself also influences his level of self-confidence in his relationships with others. When a person chains a large list of complexes, he is evidencing a clear diagnosis of low self-esteem.
Simply, because she sees herself in negative terms, showing a lack of objectivity by ruling out the role of other significant virtues and qualities. "Why do I have so many complexes?" If this is the question you ask yourself on a recurring basis, this article will help you find the answers.
The complexes can be understood as the set of beliefs and preconceived ideas that we have about our real or fictitious imperfections, especially those that have to do with how we are perceived socially. For this reason, the complexes are closely related to the concept of self-esteem, which is why they are due to distorted perceptions of oneself that arise when comparing oneself with other people or models imposed by society and that end up producing irrational thoughts that lead to insecurity, the lack of confidence in one's own abilities and the loss of self-esteem, affecting and conditioning the relationship with oneself and with others, professional activity and, ultimately, life. They are responses created by our minds to some aspect that differentiates us from others. They are rarely related to reality, but the important thing is to identify the problem and change positive thoughts to negative ones.
The complexes lead us to develop limiting ideas that end up disturbing, in one way or another, our behavior. There are many existing complexes of different types, but they all generate very similar consequences in people. Generally, the complexes arise in childhood, take hold in adolescence, and, if not overcome, last into adulthood.
The family and the school can be the main inducers of the complexes that appear during childhood when children do not feel sufficiently loved, valued, and supported. Sometimes it is a physical characteristic that makes them different from their peers and friends that leads to the appearance of a complex. The problem is that if there is no remedy, the complexes that arose in childhood can be accentuated after puberty. But it is also society itself that can generate complexes in people who are already adults who feel that they do not belong, for example, to the beautiful models that are imposed by the media.
In any case, there are many people who have not been able to overcome childhood complexes because they have not been able to analyze the origin of their anxiety and anguish in the face of a specific event. Most of the complexes are physical, but there are others that have a fundamental psychological condition, such as the inferiority complex or its opposite, superiority.
In most cases, the complexes can be overcome without help or therapy. It may be enough to recognize them, accept them, and want to overcome them and then follow a series of guidelines:
• It is essential to learn to value yourself for who you are and not for what others say.
• Do not try to seek the approval of others for what you do. You have to act based on your own convictions and criteria without taking into account what others would like.
• Learn to love and accept yourself with your defects and virtues. They are all like that.
• You have to recognize your own limitations naturally.
• Look for all the positive that is in us and reinforce it. This is what you have to teach others, instead of exhibiting and talking about our defects.
• Self-esteem is reinforced with positive thoughts and attitudes. Everything always has a positive side. We must avoid making things negative based on our defects.
• Do not base your attitude towards others and social activity on external appearance, try to use it to please others. The close treatment eliminates disguises.
Accepting complexes and learning to live with them is the best way to overcome them. How to overcome the physical complexes that affect our general well-being so much:
1. The problem of physical complexes appears when extremes are reached and become a pathology. It is an inability to see your body as it is. A person with complexes is observed in detail and is not appreciated in the least. It even looks like an object that needs to be tweaked and improved. The danger of feeling like this is that it can paralyze a person's life; it can prevent a person from enjoying life, from going to the beach, from wearing the clothes they like, in short, they withdraw into themselves. When there is a complex, that imperfection becomes the cause of all failures. During adolescence, it is natural to go through this phase but in maturity, it acquires other dimensions and can lead to severe depression.
2. The first key to getting over complexes is to accept the premise that we are all imperfect. It is a reality that the sooner you assume the better because it will be the base on which your future self is based. To be able to accept and love yourself as you are, it is recommended that you give up the fact of wanting everyone to like you at all costs because this is impossible and, furthermore, terribly distressing. Constantly thinking about pleasing and being what the world expects of you is a very harmful strategy for self-esteem.
A good tip to overcome your physical complexes is to look in the mirror and focus on what you like best. Transform what you consider different into an advantageous and even special aspect. When you look at yourself, do it with love, see yourself as an intrinsically beautiful human being, and stop criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to other people with standard beauty ideals. Other people are not like you and they are not at all better than you because they meet certain iconic standards.
3. To learn to accept yourself, you must surround yourself with people who love you as you are and don't spend the day judging you. You should never focus on the false opinions of people or media that focus on physical appearances. Try to value yourself and have a good opinion of yourself, adding all the positive aspects of your personality. No one is better than you to love, value and accept you with your defects and virtues. A good piece of advice is that you never publicly lament your limitations because the only thing you will achieve is that they only see the negative part of your person.
4. Learn to trust your values and try not to base your life on physical appearance. Flood your mind with positive thoughts that give you security and fill you with confidence. Look for the positive side of everything, and remember that not everything is negative. Surely there is something in your appearance that is special and sets you apart from the rest. Enhance your virtues, your aptitudes, or any type of quality beyond the physical. Being positive does not imply deceiving yourself, you have to be realistic and aware of what you have and what you can achieve. You can try setting yourself challenges and goals to reinforce your self-esteem and thinking positively. What you consider defects may not be so for other people, but if this idea does not convince you, you could try to camouflage what gives you a complex, enhancing the best of your appearance.
5. Be kind to yourself. Try to put this philosophy of life into practice, and try to treat yourself as well as your best friend. In this way, you learn to look in the mirror with an inner smile. Complexes make you suffer when you see them as a problem. Change your attitude and adopt a constant learning mentality towards life. This learning is what promotes your own evolution.
6. Learning to accept ourselves as we are is the key to feeling good about our person, but this is not easy. Obviously, when a complex invades someone's life to such an extent that it influences them not only on a personal level but also on a family, social, work, etc. The affected person should consider receiving help. Limiting your life by a complex is a big mistake because there are means that will allow you if it is not possible to change that which gives you a complex, the acceptance of it through different resources. We must start from the basis that, in the vast majority of cases, a complex is the product of a negative and irrational thought that our mind generates when perceiving differences with others and to which we give an oversized value, consequently generating great discomfort in person. As a general rule, the complexes are perceived in an exaggerated way and are given higher importance than what they actually have, and this can be a good starting point to start working, thus restructuring the irrational ideas related to it.
After what has been said in this article, it is very possible that you have found your own answer. Remember the message of the classic story of The Ugly Duckling written by Hans Christian Andersen: every human being has his own beauty.
References
Por Villegas, Maribel. (agosto 8, 2017). Por qué es tan importante aceptarnos tal como somos
Por Sanchez Cuevas, Gema. (diciembre 17, 2019). Aprender a aceptarse
Por Lanius, Ruth. ¿Cómo ayudar a nuestros clientes a sanar la sensación de un Yo traumatizado?