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Unfortunately, the reference for years that we have had in relation to Love, love relationships, have been the media with Novels, movies and even songs in various bolero, pop, urban genres and in these elements the story of the Prince was always taught that comes and rescues us, or the suffering story of the poor girl who falls in love with the heir or protagonist, a true example of this in many Mexican and Latin American novels.
Now, many people in the name of what they call "love" have allowed the humiliation and mistreatment of their partners, getting involved in co-dependent relationships that have led them to feel denigrated, tired and with no way out.
Today we will mention a few Myths that have been forged in relation to Romantic Love.
There are many, and they will be nuanced by culture, age, nationality, etc. Today I can mention the most frequently listened to and attended to in the office in individual or couples therapy sessions:
· Myth 1: I should celebrate love only on "Valentine's Day, or if he doesn't give me a gift on the 14th, Well, he doesn't Love me" Let's remember that Love is the affective expression within the relationship or Friendship, and that you it is good to give a gift in February but the rest of the year you are disrespectful, you are not present, and you treat your loved ones abusively or without affection. Small gifts and tokens of love are well received, at any time of the year, and are necessary to maintain a well-nourished relationship emotionally.
· Myth 2: Romantic love is the perfect formula to be happy/ If I am not married, Married or “in a relationship, I will not be able to be happy” “We need a better half”.
Happiness is a personal decision that we can make at any time in our lives, and should never depend on the external. As adults, we are responsible for our own happiness, therefore, we cannot make another person responsible for what it is up to us to conquer ourselves. What we can do is contribute to the happiness of the person we love, but we cannot assume what is non-transferable.
Myth 3 Love can fill our emotional voids / Love can do everything.
Seeking to feel full and complete from a romantic relationship is impossible. Because we will always find that the other person has a different way of interpreting things than ours and, above all, of expressing love. Therefore, no one can fully fill our emotional voids. The mission of finding ourselves, and feeling emotionally fulfilled, is a personal task.
· Myth 4 “Love endures everything”.
When a person is noble, he is naive, he may think that for love he must allow abuse and endure aggression, mistreatment and humiliation. This is a myth, because love is not selfish, does not do anything wrong and does not shame. And although it is a belief that comes from the Bible, and is found in the book of Corinthians, that was not the purpose for which it was described. Love apologizes when it has hurt and tries not to hurt him again. When there is abuse and aggression, it is no longer love, it is a relationship of subjugation where intimidation prevails and love is not present.
Myth 5: “Loving doesn't necessarily mean commitment” / and if he doesn't jealous me, he doesn't love me.
It is impossible to build an important relationship without the due commitment that leads us to persevere until the end, because all business projects or personal projects go through crises, doubts, fears and disappointments. The same happens in love, if we let the emotion of being in love be what drives love, in the first crisis, the relationship will fail, therefore, it is a myth to think that love grows without commitment. Now, we cannot measure the success of the relationship, whether or not there is jealousy in the person with whom I am sharing a relationship of love and commitment.
Definitely we must continue breaking down myths, psycho-educating, from the printed and digital media, social networks, schools, universities and above all from home, from the family, to the extent that a society is more educated, has more tools to be able to face challenges and emotional challenges such as Abandonment, infidelity, emotional abuse, Co-dependency. So we need to constantly educate ourselves regarding healthy relationships, ourselves and the next generation.
Myths must be replaced by truths that give stability to the relationship, or that light red flags about changes that must be made to improve. Therefore, the invitation is always open in mentessaludables to analyze the subject from a perspective that helps us grow in the art of loving.
Recommendations
Promote good communication, healthy in an assertive way, sincere from our homes and honest with our children so that they adopt models of healthy relationships.
Respect the spaces of individuality of each one and the spaces of the couple, if you are in a relationship of love and commitment.
Do not use the dynamics of infidelity, victimhood or violence to deal with crises that occur as a couple.
Promote education and continue looking for spaces to learn and educate ourselves in an emotional sense. Books, workshops, conferences that teach us about good communication and good love.
Other links of interest.
Have a sincere warm hug!
Dr. Naylú Martinez Nuñez MD Msw